"I can dream, Jim!"

Applause if you got the Tripod reference there.

So Dwight Normile from IG, rather than actively pursuing change in the sport through journalism and campaigning for a usurper of EVILBRUNOGRANDI's fascist FIG dictatorship, he's written yet another column writing off the skills of gymnasts without thinking outside the box and seeking out the sources of the problem (cf. The FIG Code). Also, he seems to neglect that US gymnasts, as much as I admire the way they go for big skills, often commit these crimes too.

So let's have a look-see at some of this week's list, Skills and Combinations I'd Rather Not See Anymore.

Tumbling: Any twisting somersault that finishes in a forward landing, unless it is followed by a skill which completes the pass aesthetically. In other words, no more roundoff, flip-flop, 2.5 twist dismounts, since they are virtually impossible to stick.

True, but I suppose that's the appeal of them. Mind you, "any twisting somersault that finishes in a forward landing" is equally difficult on any apparatus so you're sweeping a bit wide there. Byebye to Cheng Fei's Olympic vault title, I suppose, with that logic. But if a gymnast is watering down and sticking double twists, only to consistently get beaten by one doing a 2.5 twist (albeit with a shuffled landing) shouldn't they at least have a go at a 2.5? And if you think about it, most of Liukin's (bless her pink bejewelled cotton socks and gloves) 2005 floor routine that scored the silver at Worlds was twisting somersaults, two(?) of which I believe had a front landing, though if you want to talk cheated or unstuck twisting somersaults, I'm sure there would be many out there in interweb land shouting two little words: Catalina Ponor!

Uneven Bars: Any skill in which the feet are touching the bar but the hands are not. So no more sole circles on the low bar where the gymnast merely stands up and reaches for the high bar.

That could be deemed hard to judge, ie where a jump to the high bar ends and a standing reach with small hop off begins. I guess in the same way that in the Walking event in athletics makes for challenge in judging where both feet may have left the ground.

Balance Beam: Rulfova. It's difficult, sure, but it's just not very pretty.

Depends on who does it. Many of us felt that Hollie Dykes could've done a nice one as she already did a Korbut flip and the Rulfova is just a step up. The lighter and daintier a gymnast (Cheng Fei did a good one at the Olympic Test Event), the nicer it actually is. I just think it's funny that when a lot of people see one done, they gasp because they think it's accidental, like the gymnast unintentionally straddled their legs in the flip and landed on their biscuits. I can just imagine them thinking "geez, that must have hurt but she sure hid it well!"

Any skill that lands on the beam with a thud. What comes to mind immediately is Daria Joura's Shushunova.

...and anything attempted by Natasha Kelly, wouldn't you think? Sorry, you know how I feel when somebody knocks Sassy Miss D :p Thuds can't be helped. Looked at all the awesome acro in Elyse Hopfner-Hibbs' routine. Unique and difficult stuff that is naturally going to result in a heavy landing. I haven't heard anybody complain just yet. The more spring and amplitude required for the move, the more of a "thud" it is going to make. And more difficult skills are being asked for in this new code so look at what's really causing the thuds. You've seen that sideways Shushunova what, one or two times? It usually doesn't make that much noise when she lands it; I'd say it's an improvement on the ones the Aussie girls used to do on beam that saw them follow it through with a hip circle around the beam. THAT was a thudder. Nearly knocked the beam over. The biggest thumps and thuds I've heard in the gymnastics world come from the floor mats the USA uses. Watching footage from the Pacific Alliance Championships and American Cup, I am immediately deterred by the heavy thudding of the floor mat. It's like they've got big rusted metal springs under there or sheets of metal... or the microphones are way too close to the mat. It really takes away from routines.

Side somi. This skill is just plain ugly on beam. It's better suited for the circus, where an acrobat does about 10 of them in a row as he circles the ring.

Once again, it depends on who does it. I don't *lurve* side somi's but I don't hate them. Yes, you included with your list a rather unsightly picture of Kristina Vaculik to illustrate your point, but there are some nice ones out there. Lithe gymnasts (Nastia Liukin, Ash Brennan come to mind) are capable of somewhat straight-legged and nearly-landed side somi's, they're not totally impossible. Side elements are also required under this new scoring code, so if you're so desperate to get rid of them you're once again going to have to take it to The Man (see first line of last paragraph). And Bruno ain't gonna like that much. A circus? Please. That really is unkind. The only thing circus-y about gymnastics is the three-ringed one that rolls around when the judging panels get together.

Mounts that really aren't mounts.

o_O

!? I don't know about you, but I am yet to see a mount sequence where a gymnast gets UNDER the beam, backwards, and begins with their dismount...you're not making sense here, Dwight. If you're talking about piddly little tuck jump mounts onto the beam, then I totally hear you, but unless the FIG technical committee minions make an official rule about it, there's not much you can do. There are some interesting mounts out there.

Like this one.

Or this one.

This one is very cool.

Are they mounts? Or not mounts? Help me out here.

Instead of having a whine about what skills aren't done nicely, go directly to the source and do something about the rules, particularly ones that could result in the exclusion of some very nice gymnastics. FIG 'President' Bruno Grandi wants to change the age limit for competing at Olympics and World Championships from 15 to 16. So taking that rule for what it is had it been in place earlier, America's pocket dynamo Shawn Johnson (and elegant 14-year-old teammate Ivana Hong) would have missed '07 World Championships selection and subsequent medal wins. Funnily enough it could have also eradicated the achievements of Grandi's fellow Italian 'stallion' Vanessa Ferrari in 2006, whom he practically accosted when he discovered she'd won the all-around.

The contradictions just... make me...dizzy...