Don't get me wrong. I was in Billy Elliott's corner as much as the next self-respecting British film buff. Rudolph Nureyev was pretty crash hot when he made an appearance on The Muppet Show, and from what I hear that whippersnapper Jason Timberland or whatever he goes by is making quite a name for himself in countries bordering the Pacific Ocean.
Having read that former national aerobics champion turned choreographer Anthony "Enough With the Puns Already"* Ikin was a finallist, I summoned up all the courage my delicate moral fibre (and stomach) could muster and kept my eyes on the screen. After all, I competed in aerobics nationals myself years ago... but that's another story... Upon watching, I was treated to girls shimmying and shaking, guys giving more ferocity than Tyra Banks evokes in a single frame, Natalie Bassingthwaite saying "dance for your lives, guys!" about six times in as many minutes, to the point where one really began to think a terrorist faction truly was holding the contestants hostage in the Channel 10 studios. Anthony did appear, at last, in the bracket I watched. He was in the bottom 3 as far as I could understand which, in tv terms, I assume is as horrifying as a night-time visit from the aforementioned terrorist faction. He had no shirt on, which I guess is his 'kitsch'
or possibly his contractual obligation.
I will not make a pun. I will not make a pun. I will not make a pun.
Anyhoo. He danced. And quite well, I might add. I don't know if dance (pron. "DAAHn-sss!" by ladies with grey hair twisted into tight buns wearing black unitards) has a name for the Khorkina jump, so I will just say that he did an awesome Khorkina to faceplant on the floor (might've been two twists even? Too fast to tell) and a few backflips which I know he wouldn't have used in his aerobics days :P Despite the slightly unnerving waves of washboard abs on show - scarily shiny. Wax, I'd wager? Possibly Vaseline - he put in a great effort to avoid elimination. High jumps, neat execution, big smile. Sure, he didn't have a heartbreaking I Live in a Cardboard Box Behind a Dance Studio Using Bread Bags as Tap Shoes After My Mother Kicked Me Out for Not Having a Good Haircut Like My Deformed Siamese Twin Sister story like the rest of the auditionees heard about at the program's beginning. His brother's a rugby player who reckons having a twinkletoes brother is, loik, pretty cool 'n' that. But they still thought him good enough to go through the contest.