Man's Dance

Somehow, in the vast and inexplicable scheme of things, I don't think men were truly meant to dance.

Don't get me wrong. I was in Billy Elliott's corner as much as the next self-respecting British film buff. Rudolph Nureyev was pretty crash hot when he made an appearance on The Muppet Show, and from what I hear that whippersnapper Jason Timberland or whatever he goes by is making quite a name for himself in countries bordering the Pacific Ocean.

But really. It's just a bit wrong in a lot of cases, watching men toe-point and twirl and get down with their finely-choreographed selves. Men were traditionally meant to hunt and gather and fight. Women cook and tend and...erm... somehow make fur bikini's look good in poorly-realised historical films in which much artistic license is taken with the portrayal of the Cretaceous period...

Anyway. In avid anticipation of my regular Good News Week fix (I missed it last week) I caught the end of that much-lauded program I Say, Those Chaps Over Yonder Say You're Quite a Dab Hand at the Old Macarena. Are You Comfortable Enough in Your Masculinity To, Say, Show Us a Few Steps?


Having read that former national aerobics champion turned choreographer Anthony "Enough With the Puns Already"* Ikin was a finallist, I summoned up all the courage my delicate moral fibre (and stomach) could muster and kept my eyes on the screen. After all, I competed in aerobics nationals myself years ago... but that's another story... Upon watching, I was treated to girls shimmying and shaking, guys giving more ferocity than Tyra Banks evokes in a single frame, Natalie Bassingthwaite saying "dance for your lives, guys!" about six times in as many minutes, to the point where one really began to think a terrorist faction truly was holding the contestants hostage in the Channel 10 studios. Anthony did appear, at last, in the bracket I watched. He was in the bottom 3 as far as I could understand which, in tv terms, I assume is as horrifying as a night-time visit from the aforementioned terrorist faction. He had no shirt on, which I guess is his 'kitsch'

Careful now. Those nipples could put your eyes out.

or possibly his contractual obligation.

I will not make a pun. I will not make a pun. I will not make a pun.

Anyhoo. He danced. And quite well, I might add. I don't know if dance (pron. "DAAHn-sss!" by ladies with grey hair twisted into tight buns wearing black unitards) has a name for the Khorkina jump, so I will just say that he did an awesome Khorkina to faceplant on the floor (might've been two twists even? Too fast to tell) and a few backflips which I know he wouldn't have used in his aerobics days :P Despite the slightly unnerving waves of washboard abs on show - scarily shiny. Wax, I'd wager? Possibly Vaseline - he put in a great effort to avoid elimination. High jumps, neat execution, big smile. Sure, he didn't have a heartbreaking I Live in a Cardboard Box Behind a Dance Studio Using Bread Bags as Tap Shoes After My Mother Kicked Me Out for Not Having a Good Haircut Like My Deformed Siamese Twin Sister story like the rest of the auditionees heard about at the program's beginning. His brother's a rugby player who reckons having a twinkletoes brother is, loik, pretty cool 'n' that. But they still thought him good enough to go through the contest.

He got down to the top 20 with his showmanship and daring skills. Rightly so. He's a young and fit individual that shows boys you don't have to be a boofhead to keep fit or get famous. So by all accounts, good on you, Anthony! You're a little too cherubic for my liking but you're breaking down some barriers.

Ah, the magic that is Dance. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. As Summer Heights High's Mr G once sagely said: "Dance....doesn't discriminate!" (sadly, adolescents with pre-paid mobile phone plans CAN)

* Couldn't resist. To look Channel 10 in the face and say "You know Ikin dance, bitches!" vote for Anthony online here and keep him in the competition!

Edit - according to one of his blog entries on the site, he likes Max Brenner's famous hot chocolates! That's it. I am officially setting up a tent in Camp Anthony! *^_^*